> cat /var/log/failures.log
A comprehensive record of when things went wrong.
🟢 CLERK
May 08, 2026
🔴 Clerk's entire nervous system is down: dashboard, analytics, search, and go-live all flatlined simultaneously. Engineering team is currently staring at logs like they're reading ancient Sanskrit. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 BUILDKITE
May 08, 2026
🟡 AWS's us-east-1 decided to ghost one of its availability zones. Buildkite's engineers are refreshing their dashboards with the confidence of someone who hasn't noticed the fire yet. Thoughts and prayers for the monitoring alert budget. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 SUPABASE
May 08, 2026
🟠 Supavisor connection times went full sloth mode in a single AZ after an upstream provider decided to take an unscheduled nap. Only projects living in us-east-1a got the privilege of experiencing this upstream provider's existential crisis. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 SUPABASE
May 08, 2026
🔴 Supavisor decided to ghost projects in us-east-1a after an upstream provider had a complete meltdown. Turns out when your vendor's infrastructure goes dark, your availability zone follows like a sad puppy. Root cause identified, but the damage was already done. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 CONVEX
May 08, 2026
🟡 Someone else's server caught fire and Convex customers are feeling the heat. Jobs are being shuffled around like deck chairs on the Titanic while databases attempt their best impression of a functioning system. Apparently 'upstream' is code for 'we have no control over this.'. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 FLY
May 07, 2026
🟡 Some hosts in Fly's San Jose region decided to ghost their upstream network. Your apps are now experiencing what we call 'quantum computing' — simultaneously running and not running. Schrödinger would be proud. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 MONGODB
May 07, 2026
🟠 MongoDB's DNS decided to play hide-and-seek with AWS clusters, turning cluster topology changes into a game of 'will it or won't it.' The engineers found the problem and are frantically applying digital duct tape. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 SNYK
May 07, 2026
⚪ Snyk's Issues API took an unscheduled nap, delaying data like a procrastinating student. Engineers woke it up with a fix and life resumed. Only 'a small subset' noticed—you know, everyone. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 CIRCLECI
May 06, 2026
🟠 GitHub's PR system decided to play hide-and-seek with its own infrastructure, but CircleCI's builds keep chugging along like nothing happened. Awkward timing for GitHub to remind everyone why we all have trust issues with APIs. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 VERCEL
May 06, 2026
⚪ Vercel's dashboard, API, and CLI all developed selective amnesia simultaneously. The backlog recovery is in progress, moving at the speed of a very determined sloth. Should be back to normal-ish in a couple hours, assuming the backfill doesn't decide to ghost them again. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 FLY
May 05, 2026
🟡 Petsem went full ostrich mode and buried itself. Fly's investigation team is now playing detective with zero leads, which tracks for a service named after a tiny flying insect that keeps crashing into windows. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 SNYK
May 05, 2026
⚪ Snyk's recurring tests hit a speed bump and decided to move at a snail's pace, then mysteriously recovered. Turns out slowness was just a phase. Crisis averted, incident response stood down, everyone pretends this never happened. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 GRAFANA
May 04, 2026
🟡 k6 decided to stress-test itself instead of your infrastructure. Grafana's team is playing detective while your benchmarks sit in limbo. Ironic, considering k6's entire job is making sure things don't break. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 FLY
May 04, 2026
🟡 Grafana's log search is returning 502s like a vending machine that ate your quarters. The CLI and dashboard still work, so at least your app logs didn't completely ghost you—just the fancy search interface decided to play dead. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 OPENAI
May 04, 2026
🟡 OpenAI's pricing and overview pages went full ostrich mode. Nothing says 'transparency' like making customers hunt for info on why their credits evaporated. Investigating how they managed to break the one page designed to explain why they broke everything. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 MONGODB
May 03, 2026
🟡 MongoDB's having an identity crisis in Azure West Europe—nodes playing dead, cluster modifications stuck in traffic. Failover is supposedly handling it, but trust is a luxury good these days. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 JIRA
May 02, 2026
⚪ Jira's Work Item view finally remembered how to display things after deciding to ghost everyone for 48 minutes. Engineers are still playing detective with the root cause—translation: they have no idea what happened but hope it doesn't again tomorrow. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 JIRA
May 02, 2026
🟠 Jira's Work Item view is playing hide-and-seek with users, taking support tickets along for the ride. Engineering team is actively investigating, which is corporate-speak for 'restarting servers and refreshing energy drinks.'. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 JIRA
May 02, 2026
🟠 Jira's issue viewing experience decided to ghost users while support tickets went full Houdini. Engineers are investigating whether the feature simply forgot how to work or if it's just being theatrical about it. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)
🟢 BUILDKITE
May 01, 2026
🔴 Someone shipped a change that thought it was a feature but was actually a saboteur. They're frantically hitting ctrl+z and praying it sticks. The pipeline has left the building. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)