HEROKU
// ACTIVE OUTAGES
Resolved: Heroku Service Degradation
⚪ Heroku's weekend mood swings have been treated with industrial-strength duct tape. Services are limping back to normal after deciding to ghost users for a bit. The 'reset it' strategy apparently works when you're desperate enough.
Resolved: Heroku Feature Degradation
⚪ Heroku's Data add-on provisioning decided to ghost everyone harder than a bad Tinder date. One rollback later and suddenly databases could be created again. They promise to investigate why their code had commitment issues.
Resolved: Heroku Retroactive Feature Disruption
⚪ Heroku quietly resolved a feature that apparently time-traveled backwards to break things. Whatever 'retroactive' meant in this context, it's dead now. No word on whether they'll charge you for the privilege of fixing it.
Resolved: Heroku Feature Disruption
⚪ Heroku's mystery feature outage has been declared dead on arrival and officially pronounced resolved. No word on what actually broke or why it took so long to remember basic functionality. Classic Heroku energy.
Resolved: Heroku Retroactive Feature Degradation
⚪ Heroku's time-travel feature malfunction has been patched. Turns out your deploys were stuck in both past and present simultaneously—now they're just stuck in the present like normal.
// INCIDENT HISTORY
| Date | Incident | Severity |
|---|---|---|
| 2026-05-08 | Heroku Service Degradation | ⚪ Resolved |
| 2026-02-18 | Resolved: Heroku Service Disruption | ⚪ Resolved |
| 2026-02-18 | Heroku Service Disruption | ⚪ Resolved |
// ABOUT HEROKU MONITORING
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