🟡 Elastic's EIS decided the first fix was just a preview. Now investigating why the band-aid fell off. Engineers currently speed-running 'Remediation: The Sequel' with a subset of customers as reluctant beta testers. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)

🟡 Elastic's GCP us-central1 region decided projects should come with a 'read receipts disabled' feature. Some Serverless deployments are either moving at geological timescales or vanishing entirely. The status page says 'investigating' which is tech speak for 'we're refreshing our monitors and hoping it fixes itself.'. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)

🟡 Elastic's AutoOps can't find its node metrics (CPU, memory, disk) in certain regions—they're just gone from recent time ranges. The good news: your data's fine, cluster health is fine, everything else is fine. It's just the one thing you need to see that's MIA. ETA on the scavenger hunt: 2 hours. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)

🟡 Elastic's own support portal decided to become unsupported. The company that helps you monitor everything apparently turned off monitoring for, well, everything. They're 'investigating' with their provider—translation: playing hot potato with blame while customers scream into the void. (Auto-resolved: no updates in 24h)

⚪ Someone deployed a DNS config change that yeet'd .apm endpoints into the void. Serverless customers got the silent treatment for ~9 hours until engineers remembered these endpoints existed. Elastic's internal DNS provider apparently needed a nap.